Abstract painting had always frightened me, to the point I avoided it until just a few years ago. Working abstractly often demands confronting emotions and the subconscious, in a way which figurative work does not always necessitate. I often felt that while painting figuratively, no matter how personal the subject matter, I could always distance myself from the psychological weight of my pieces during the process, only allowing myself to feel what I wanted to on a practical front when conveying the intention of my work.

So, when I came to Berlin in 2021, for a semester abroad and given the opportunity to create any collection I wanted to, I took the opportunity to challenge myself. I settled on a series of abstract paintings, each one directed by my emotions, and utilizing texture and metallic paints to add visual interest through shadow and sparkle, as you see the painting from different angles in the room. My professor at the time described my work during a critique as, “playful, hopeful, and fluid, while also conveying a fundamental anxiety and restlessness.” An accurate description of myself, which I had not thought to apply to my art and dismayed me at first. After sitting with the commentary a bit longer, though, I realized that if that was what could be seen in my work, I was achieving my goal of confronting myself through my painting process. 

Since then, I have continued to create works in this vein as a way to continuously express myself as unabashedly as possible. Each time I complete a painting which reflects my own overwhelm, positive or negative, it helps me to condition myself to believe that no matter which part of myself I bring forward, it is not only acceptable, but also can be beautiful and moving borne from emotional aesthetics. Though these pieces often operate as in-between projects, they lend themselves to further vulnerability in my larger scale works.